Telephone Jokes

This bloke goes into the public toilet. When he goes into a cubicle a voice from next door says "Hello mate, how are you doing?" Thinking this odd, but not wanting to be rude he says "Not too bad, thanks" After a short pause the voice pipes up again "What are you up to today?" Again a little reluctantly he says "Probably the bookies then the pub and then the football" Next thing he hears is "Sorry mate I'll have to hang up there's an idiot in the next cubicle answering every thing I ask you"

This elderly bloke gets a mobile phone for his birthday. Next day his wife is listening to the news on the radio and the announcer says she has got an important police message that there's a maniac driving down the wrong way on the motorway. As her husband comes home come via the motorway she phones him up on his new mobile to warn him. "One person going the wrong way" He shouts "There's dozens of them"

A bloke is walking through the gym. A mobile phone which is lying on bench starts ringing. As he lifts it up he answers it saying "Hi" A lady's voice on the other end says "The fur coat we were talking about last night, I've just passed the shop and there's another 10% off the price" "Well dear" replies the bloke "just pop in and buy it" "And the Caribbean cruise holiday" asks the wife. "Go along to the travel agents and book it up" says the bloke. "One last thing" says the lady "The new car I need for doing the shopping" "Go to the garage and stick a deposit on it" replies the fella. The bloke then holds the mobile up in the air and asks "Anybody know who's phone this is?"

This lady trudges into the kitchen with a load of shopping. Her husband is running around with a folded over newspaper swatting flies. She asks how many have you got so far? Three female and two male. "How do you know which sex they were" asks the wifey "Three were on the phone and two were on the top of a beer can" Answered the bloke.