British Hospitals - True Stories.........
1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells . . 'My wife's going to have her
baby in the taxi'.
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress and began to
take off her
underwear. Suddenly after protests from the lady I noticed that there were
several taxis - - -
and It was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , St.. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow
2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female
patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,'. I instructed. 'Yes, they used to
be,'. . . replied
the patient..
Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes , St.Thomas's Bath
3 One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband
had died
of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
on her mobile
phone reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive
internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was
having trouble
with one of his medications. 'Which one ?'. . .. I asked. 'The patch; the Nurse
told me to put
on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had
him quickly
undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty
patches on
his body! Now, the instructions includes removal of the old patch before
applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk General
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long have
you been
bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered .'Why, not for about
twenty
years - when my husband was still alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on
a man
I asked . . ...' So how was your breakfast this morning?' 'It's very good except
for the
Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. . Bob replied. I then
asked to see
the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon . Bristol Infirmary.
7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled
into a punk
rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered . . It
was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for
an immediate operation.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating
table, the
staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a
tattoo
that read . .'Keep off the grass' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short
note on the patient's dressing, which read 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogerty , KGH London
Dr . wouldn't submit his name